It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
