Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
