as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
