my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm too high and old for this...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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