Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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