just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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