Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
