and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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