Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
