i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize