I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
