My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
