I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Come on in and take your pants off
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