I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
