He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My vagina is officially offended.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
