Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
