We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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