Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
