I think I died a long time ago.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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