I just pynch a tree in the face
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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