how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
