Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
