It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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