The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
