I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
