everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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