Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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