if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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