just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
