mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize