I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize