We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
