She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
