You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
