you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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