Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
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