Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
