Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
