YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I need to calm my uterus...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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