Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
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His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
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I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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