So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize