remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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