The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
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I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
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We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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