Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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