So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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