she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
