He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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