stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
