He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I want a musical about memes.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
