ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
