so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
