Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
