you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
