I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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