Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just google imaged poop.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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