Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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