I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
