Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
