Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
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