He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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