the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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