I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
