Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
