If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
