Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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