Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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