he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
