can we get nightvision for the apartment?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
