My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
