do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My pussy is not your playground.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
