true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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