M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
