somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He kissed a someone with a penis
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
