Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
